Happy Bday Dad

It is dad's 73rd birthday today.

I wish he can be home and conscious to cut his birthday cake like the time I did the same for mum back in June. I have not celebrated his birthday with him personally for the past many years.

I wish he can be home and conscious to enjoy the nice environment and watch is fav TV program on his plasma tv he had indicated he wanted.

I wish he can be with us enjoying a simple meal and slurping down his birthday mee sua at least , yes, at least being conscious and not bedridden and lying still.

I wish he can be mobile.

I wish he can be around to play with Tessa.

I wish he is still walking around so that we can plan a trip to BKK together. This time, it's okay if it's just him and me, father and daughter, if mum doesnt want to come along with us.

I wish him complete recovery at least he is now starting to move and able to shift his left leg according to the resident nurse.

I wish he could feel and respond to my kiss when i kissed him on his left cheek and forehead. And I am ashamed to say that this is my first time I have ever kissed him in my whole entire life although I have given him a hug before.

I wish him a happy 73rd birthday, at least he is still around to "celebrate" this day. Give thanks, always.

this is my blog

...and so i deserve every right to do what deems fit. i do not and will not succumb to mounting pressures for me to eradicate certain entries i have posted unless i see fit.

i am a human with emotions and feelings too. i write what is within me - and feel the need to vent that energy and release it in the form of words. since verbal means was tainted useless. as if i purely do not exists in this world. yes, i know i am dimunitive. but still i need to make my presence felt. by voicing out. i cannot forever be bottling my emotions within me. i will explode one day, eventually. i feel helpless. very very helpless many many times. But i choose to insists and believe God did not leave me nor forsake me. He stands besides me. He comforts me.

i was peeved. i was vexed over many issues. i mulled over many other life's problems and got to where I am today. I have gone through much more than one would imagined. Life is tough. Indeed it is very much so. made even more miserable by someone so close yet the connection seems so very distant. like on the extreme opposite ends of the polar. different wavelengths. different frequencies.

i am apt to say that the distance seems to be widening. wavering through rough tides. what seems to be the norm doesnt seem so now. they have all but vaguely vanished into the mist.

but i am still me.

the baby that was not meant to be

it was unplanned. and it was not meant to be. at 8 weeks, the fetal heartbeat could not be detected on ultrasound. and it had been so for quite a few weeks before and after the doc's appt. until the d&c was done. it went smoothly. i am okay. some people chipped "it must have been hard on you with so many things happening at the same time". I say "I am fine. I am coping well. God made me a strong woman"

and i have been treated well - dearest friend took urgent leave to help take care of my little girl, her mum made tonic food for me and food for Tessa, bought more fresh chicken and ginger for me to use later on, another friend took me out to drink tonic soup, took care of Tessa by bringing her out together with her twins, cousins dropping by with more tonic food and fresh food. i am so touched by their kind gestures. indeed i am.

story of a man and his cars

Once upon a time, an employed man decided he needed a car for his new family. And so, he went out and bought a T brand C Model car despite the objection from his wife that the mileage was high and it was a manual car. "Manual cars are cheaper and is more fuel efficient" was his argument and he won.

A few years later, the same man, now a businessman, decided that he needed another car for business needs and went on to buy another car. This time round, it was yet again another T brand C model car ,however, this time it being a brand new model and an auto gear one at best. "Because I get a fleet discount was his argument" for getting the auto car despite what he had argued previously.

Why would you need 2 cars of the same make and model is what other people have frequently asked. "I like the brand and they are good cars" was his explanation this time.

And all these while, his wife was treated with a "deaf ear" and without considering her "existence".

However, due to family circumstances, the wife had to leave the country and the man was left with 2 cars. The wife told him to sell 1 of the car as it was not going to be used for the next few years. The man agreed.

A few weeks later, the man could not decide which car to sell. He reasoned that if he were to sell the new car, he would get more returns than selling the older car. However, he would then make huge losses either way on both cars than what he had originally paid for.

He then decided to keep the both cars instead of selling them because he could not bear to suffer the huge losses.

The wife's reasoning was to put to deaf ears again this time. The wife had said that the money could be channeled to the mortgage account to help reduce the mortgage loan and interests.

The man decided on his stand still that he would not buy anymore new cars in the future because of the depreciation factor of owning and buying a car. He would keep both cars for the next few years until the wife returns at the expense of his wife's objections. She had also reasoned that the interest rates on home loans were rising again and there was no point in keeping a car and not using it while still having to pay car insurance and registration fees amounting to over a thousand dollar per year.

Moral of the story ? -

"Dont be penny wise but pound foolish"

"if you dont want to listen to your wife, dont marry"

"if you cannot afford a car, dont buy one"

"if you cannot afford a car, you cannot afford anything else"

"even if you can afford a car, dont by one. buy a diamond instead"

Unfair

It is grossly unfair to bear the brunt of one's anger & frustration because the electricity bill was a whopping $501 for the period from 2 August to 28 Oct 2006.

First - we had visitors who came to stay with us and I assumed the column heater (which apparently uses more energy) was turned on the whole night for that 5 nights while they staying with us.

Secondly, I dont sleep with the heater on as my quilt is warm enough to keep us warm during that chilly winter period AND I left Melbourne on 17 September.

And so, I was not even around to use any electricity after that period until 28 Oct.

Enough is enough.