December

December is normally the month I favour most amongst the other months in Singapore. Maybe it is because Christmas falls on this month, but more so because this is generally the more cooler time in hot humid Singapore. The winds maybe not be wintry cold, but it lends a wintry feel to it with a dash of coolness in it, so to speak. The temperature still hovers around the high twenties to even the low thirties, but there are days when temperature is only 24- 25 degrees celcius indoors or at night. That I have to sleep with a blanket and without the air-conditioner.

However this is year is different. December brings to me a sense of void and emptiness - that dad is longer with us. Thus Christmas feels different too, not that we celebrate Christmas with my parents all these while, for they were not Christians, not until my father accepted the Lord while he was in ICU and not until my mum re-dedicated herself to the Lord during father''s wake.

Christmas time is about giving - all my years I have been giving - with whatever money I had, I would buy mum the washing machine, cooking pots and sets, to buy my brother his fav item for his christmas and his birthdays , buy my family their favourite food, buy my then bf the best gift i could ever afford etc etc. We have been told to be hospitable, (with kindness and warmth) , and therefore opened up my house to overseas visitors when they visited Melbourne, to friends over for meals. Giving is better than receiving we were told. Sometimes, when we give so much away, give, give and give BUT you dont receive. Know what, sometimes, you feel good to receive as well. That we have been taken for a ride. That we have been taken for granted. Things cannot merely be one-sided. And when some gets calculative about how much they should contribute and give. It gets all too much to bear.

Is Christmas all about giving?