2006

2006 - i can only divide it into 4 parts for the 4 seasons:

Jan - Mar : I started the year 2006 in Singapore with dad, mum, the kids and my brother. Jem and Theo celebrated their birthdays together because their birthdays in the different calendars coincided on the same day. I saw dad.

Apr - Jun : I ended this part of the season by returning to Singapore early June to celebrate mum's 70th birthday (and again with mum's and mine birthday coinciding on the same day in the different calendars) and spent time with my mum and dad during that precious 8 days I had. I saw dad.

Jul - Sep: I returned to Singapore towards the end of this season when dad suffered that fatal stroke. I saw dad although he was unconscious.

Oct - Dec : The last part of the year was spent in Singapore with dad leaving us towards the end. I saw dad and on 4 Dec, he was gone.

This was my year 2006. This is how I can conclude this year. I conclude this year with the loss of someone so close yet so distant through his hidden love for us.

In his wallet, he had his Identity Card, beneath his IC, was my brother's name card. On the other side of the wallet was 2 more pieces of again Jem's namecards, one with our current address written behind it and the other one, he scribbled with his handwriting "SL Tan" at the back of it. It was my name. He wanted to bless us by carrying our names around I guess. His love for us was not expressed verbally nor did he expressed physically by means of hugs and kisses. He seldom spoke. We could not understand what and how he thinks. But I guess through these, he showed that despite what he had gone through in his life, he had gone through it for the sake of us, his kids. although there were many times we were mean to him, rude to him, disrespected him. selfless unconditional love of a man who was a good man who had all his life caught in between the lives of his parents and that of his wife and kids. And when he geared towards my grandparents, he neglected us and had affected us as a result. I dont know if I can blame him at all. Many times I did. I guess he didnt have a choice. I dont know.

Goodbye 2006. I guess I do not have much good memories to bring along with me this year. May 2007 heralds a good start.