Lost Love, Love Lost

"It is better to have loved and lost. Than never to have loved at all. - Alfred Lord Tennyson "

agree ? i have a story to share.

it started with a primary schoolfriends gathering when I was 15 way back in 1986. venue East Coast Parkway. a bunch of us together with another bunch of secondary school friends of our primary classmate. we were then sub-divided into different smaller groups for games. Amongst us was one only other guy from outside my primary schoolfriends circle.

He caught my eye. He caught my attention. There he was, in his VS PE shorts embracing his muscular athletic thighs and dancing to the geeks. I could only admire from afar. I was that, put it this way, "lowly". low self esteem.

His name? Let's call him LT.

never forgotten him at all. even a year later when I was having a headache at East Coast Lagoon Hawker Centre and when I bumped into him, it was like magic, my headache quit me.

then i heard he went to VJC for his 3 months before the O level results were out bcoz my primary school friend went there as well.

the next thing was, i saw him again in the tertiary institute we both went to. What was he doing there, I asked myself.

never in my dreams I would thought to have caught his attention when his friends shouted across in the canteen "heyyy, this guy wants to know you!", a year later. wow....a guy wants to know me?!! and this guy is the one whom I already was infatuated with in the first place? I was flattered. I was in seven heaven.

and it happened, we met, we talked, we took the same bus, we exchanged numbers. and I told him we met before. fate ?

we were madly in love shortly.

it didnt lasted for too long. during the exams period, we had a misunderstanding. "this is absurd" what was he said to me. I couldnt bear it. It was exam time after all. He didnt believe that I was studying at the local community centre. Let's talk after exams, I told myself.

After exams, mum told me he did called twice. I was headstrong. I was waiting for him to call again.

Nope, he didnt call. And I refused to call him. I wanted him to apologise. I wanted him to feel sorry. For causing anger for nothing.

Next thing I heard was, from a mutual friend, that he has gotten himself another girlfriend. What ? a new gf almost immediately after we "broke off"? but deep down with my instinct I knew he was back with his ex-gf. the one who sent him a bday card that year and I saw it. surely it was a rebound I said.

Fate or was it sheer bad luck has got it that I have to bump into them in Esprit flagship store in Orchard Rd. and I even have the courage to ask how he performed in his exams. When they walked away, I burst. I couldnt handle it.

I was too hurt, too too hurt to fall in love again for a good few years.

this love story - was it fate ? was it love? if we were fated to meet, why did we have to part? if it was true love, why would he do this to me ? I remembered he told he had made 3 follies in his life. Was this one of them?

anyway this WAS my love story. too hurt to let it go. too loved to forget it all.

i will end this post with this quote

"If you love someone, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it never was yours.- author unknown"